A Super Special Spark-filled Week.....

What an awesome week!!! Things almost couldn't have gone better. I feel so blessed right now. Thank you Lord, for all that you have given me! First and foremost, the picture says it all. I have officially lost my first 15 lbs with Sparkpeople and just hit my one month SparkVersary on March 26th. That is....in a word, hugely successful.
Speaking of success......I also got back my two most challenging midterms this week. One for my Legal Research and Writing I class and the other for my Professional Responsibility class. I obtained a grade of 100.8% on my Legal Research and Writing exam, setting the curve while tied with one of my closest friends in the program, Stephanie. Then, I received a 98.8% on my Professional Responsibility exam. Stefy beat me on that one and set the curve, but I was still incredibly proud of my success.
As if all of that were not enough, while I missed them desperately, my kids were with Grandma and Grandpa for the week, so for the first time, I was able to take my hubby to the gym with me and have him see how hard I really work 6 days a week. He tried his best to compete with me and beat me at every opportunity, but in the end, most of his efforts were futile. :) I almost feel bad kicking his butt around the gym but I think he was truly proud of me.
More hard work ahead in the coming weeks and months, but I am grinning from ear to ear this week.

Go Gym GO!! And the OH NO!!

So....I have been religious about going to the gym and exercising since beginning with Sparkpeople almost a month ago. I have watched and tracked every item that I put into my mouth, drank water like I was preparing for a month tour of the Sahara and been eating healthy as can be. Having lost 10 pounds I had been feeling like a million bucks....and then came this weekend.
         It was my self-proclaimed "weigh-in" day and I hopped on the scale with a wink and smile....which was quickly turned upside down into a frown!! I had gained 3 lbs!!! How was this possible? I fought back the tears and disappointment as my husband asked, "well?" and I had to say....." I gained. How could that be? I have done everything right! I want to throw this scale through a plate glass window!!!"
       The tears started to well in my eyes and he held me tight. "Suzi.....I watch you everyday. I know that you are doing everything right. Just keep doing what you are doing and it is going to come." Then it hit me!! When one hits the gym religiously,....especially hitting the weight machines.....what happens? Muscle builds! That is the only answer.
I put my shoes on and headed to the gym, determined not to let the disappointment frustrate me into quitting and did my two hour daily workout. I came home and felt great and felt like I had moved past it.
      Then, my girl Kelly came online and I found myself telling her how disappointed that I was. She said, Suzi....are you lifting at the gym? I said, yep....everyday! She said...you'll gain muscle for a little while and then one day BOOM! It will come off like gangbusters. So with that confirmation from a dear friend...I did not allow myself to become more frustrated. On that note, goodnight my darling readers and off to the gym I go!!! Goodbye butt and gut!
Hello HOT paralegal!

Stress, Studying, Sweet Cravings and Sparkpeople!

    So....here we are! Spring Break has arrived and you would think that would mean it was time to relax.....but alas, no.
As it stands, I have 3 midterms within the first week after returning from spring break.
   So, with that in mind, this week has been about studying, studying and more studying. And what does one want more than anything when they are studying??? SWEETS!!
      Since my decision to join Sparkpeople a couple of weeks ago, things have been going great. I have never been more confident in my life that this is really going to be a permanent change for the better. In week one, I lost 5 lbs!! I was so proud. I knew it wasn't water weight either because I had begun the healthy lifestyle change back over a month ago when I began training for the Disney Princess 5k race, but I had never stepped on the scale. The truth is, I have no idea how many pounds I may have lost before I began tracking everything.
     Alas, as I have sat studying, sweets have been calling my name. Suzi....Suzi....you really want to come to the cupcakery and buy me!! Damn Cupcakes! NO I DON'T WANT YOU! I would just keep screaming that out in my head. So what do you do??
    I took to the fridge knowing I needed to find something to stiffle the screams. And FRESH FRUIT became the answer. It's healthy and yet contains that sugar for which my cravings were calling. Also, I went out to the store this week and obtained some low calorie alternatives to the traditional sweet "pig-out". There are so many options out there from portion controlled 100 calorie packs to Weight Watchers Smart One Desserts that are delicious and under 200 calories. Skinny cow has the ice cream arena covered as well. If you are willing to look, there is very little that a person wanting to lose weight can't find to help cut calories.
     For those in need of a salty savior.....check out the "Baked" line by Frito Lay. They have baked Lays (even flavors & Ruffles), baked tostitos, baked cheetos and doritos. They make the impossible for a dieter, possible. With the help of all the available low cal, healthy products out there, I have successfully managed to stick to my diet regardless of the stress hanging over my head.
     Another way great way I have found to deal with the stress of midterms is exercise. Spending a couple of days a week at the gym as well as taking some long walks has done wonders for both my waistline and my stress level. So remember, "sparkpeople" or people losing weight and staying healthy....exercise works two-fold.
     For those interested in a career as a paralegal, let me tell you that it is not for the faint of heart or the weak in ambition, but it is totally worth the hard work when you get those good grades on your papers and exams. It is the reason I work so hard.
    

Friends Make All the Difference!

My friend Becky and me!

I feel the need to begin this blog by saying that I had an amazingly successful week. I worked out pretty consistently and was careful about what I was eating and drinking. However, I am not sure how successful it would have been without my friends. Kelly, whom I have mentioned before, is always there to make sure that I am accountable and to let me know that she is right there with me.....right down to identical HDL's. :)
        Then there is my friend Becky....we met through church a couple of years ago and have very similar lives,...two children, one husband and school. She also works full time (props to her), but she recently went back to watching her food intake and adding more exercise. She has a black card membership to Planet Fitness, a fitness club chain, and she kindly offered to let me come with her whenever she goes for free. Something which is huge for me at the moment since I am not working. And working out with a friend, whether it be in person or in spirit (like my Kelly) makes a huge difference.
      And then we have Andrea, who I became friends with through our children. Our sons are friends and she started teaching me how to cook more healthy meals and it has been awesome. Becky and I went to the farmers market after working out on Saturday morning and then Andrea taught me some easy ways to cook healthy meals even when time is limited  or cooking needs to be done on the run.
    Thanks to her....dinner tonight was cornish hen made with nothing but some spices thrown into the crock pot (no water or anything) and 8 hours later.....chicken literally falling off the bone it was so tender....on the side, I made a combination of zucchini and summer squash which I sauteed with just enough EVOO to keep it from sticking and some more seasonings. It was delicious and believe it or not.....ready for this folks.....less than 300 calories!!
   That is why I am so grateful to God for my friends who are there to support me all the way!! Thanks to them, I definitely believe this road will be easier than it would have been without them!

The Plus-size Princess Takes Her Prize.....

           Yes, that is right.....today was the day!! And an early day at that! However, in truth....it all began yesterday with the excitement of the Fit for a Princess Expo at the ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex at the Walt Disney World Resort. Even though Friday was a typical morning where I had to wake up early and get Kevin and the kids to work and school, I practically bounded out of bed. I was so excited for the events that would unfold for me this weekend.

The welcome sign as you entered the Wide World of Sports Complex for the Fit for a Princess Expo!

         As I entered the complex....I felt the rush of knowing that within less than 24 hours of this time, I will have completed my first 5k. I can't speak from very much experience, but I was absolutely blown away by how organized everything was....from the disaster that parking had the potential to be, down to the packet pick up....it was all in perfect working order, like a well-oiled machine. 

Inside the packet pick up area

              Everything inside was so beautiful and was created to pump that magical adrenaline into you through every pore. I found myself wanting to tear up from the excitement. They even had a carriage and footmen there where you could have your picture taken if you were willing to wait in the line. They managed to get me pretty good at the merchandise area where I found myself desperate to take home anything with a runDisney logo on it.....but then it was time to head out.
            This city has been brutal this weekend. Someone with a great deal of brillance scheduled the NBA All Star Game, the Daytona 500 and the Princess Half Marathon weekend all in the same weekend. When I left the expo, I experienced the joy of a 45 minute traffic backup on my way back to my husband's work to meet him for lunch! AYE YAY YAY!!
           I was ready to go home and get some rest by mid-day in preparation for the upcoming events, but much to my chagrin...it was also my kid's Science Fair at school, followed by my son's 7:30 PM basketball game (which of course, went into overtime...their first loss of the season). By the time I got home to get myself settled in for bed it was almost 10 pm and my pick-up was scheduled for 4:30 am.
         With insane levels of adrenaline and excitement flowing through my veins, I didn't sleep very well....and pretty much laid in bed watching tv from 2 am until I started getting ready at 3:40 am.

From Left: Me, Jessica, Natalie and Katelyn, waiting for the 5k to begin!

                      Once we arrived at EPCOT, the party began. It was a cool morning, but the music was pumping and everyone was dancing and excited. No one even noticed the cold within a matter of minutes. Rapunzel, Flynn Ryder and Maximus (a REAL horse), got us ready to take off when the race began and they shot off awesome fireworks (in true Disney Spirit) in lieu of the inaugural "gunshot". AND OFF WE WENT.....

                I can say without question that mile one was the most challenging for me. I knew that with my weight I could not take off like a shot and I had no intention of doing so, because I wanted to be able to finish the race on my feet (not on a stretcher). One of the hardest moments was when I realized I was getting passed by people pushing strollers....for a moment I wanted to cry and wondered where I was going to end in this pack of over 5000 runners.
             While one would typically think that the FINISH LINE is the greatest moment of euphoria,... for me.....it was the arrival of Mile Marker 1.

I arrived at Mile 1 at 23 minutes and change but after almost 2 min waiting for my chance at a picture by the marker, I opted out, took this shot and kept going.

                                       


                As I saw the marker about 100 yards in front of me, I did a fist pump and quietly uttered "YES!!" I knew I was almost 1/3 of the way done. My calves were beginning to cramp, but just as I had learned to do in training, I pushed through the pain and persevered. What seemed like a short distance from mile marker 1, we came to the first water stop....this was VERY exciting on two points. 1) It was WATER....and I was ready for it! 2) It meant that I had officially made it to 1.5 miles.....and things we going smoothly now.
          At this point we had entered the theme park (the first mile and 4/10 was actually in the parking and backlot areas). This made the remainder of the walk much more exciting. So many things to look at.....it passed by like no time at all. There were many character photo ops along the way and lots of runners stopped to get pics, but I pushed on and before I knew it,.......I was at Mile Marker 2!!!

Here I am at Mile Marker 2!! My school buddy Tiffany took this pic for me as she just happened to catch me as we reached this spot! I don't think I look ready to die or anything.....LOL!

                At mile marker 2, I was excited because I knew I had made it to the point that they were not going to cut the course on me. I was going to do this....and I was going to do every step of it. I was beginning to feel the energy draining from me shortly after this but I was determined. I could do this.....I knew I could and I wouldn't let anything stop me. I was walking most of it but would throw in the occasional short jog to try to keep up a better pace.
               As I came out of the World Showcase and rounded the turn onto the bridge to Future World....I saw Spaceship Earth (the big golfball...LOL) in front of me and I knew I was almost there. I would definitely persevere. We rounded back into a backstage area after we walked around the Leave a Legacy Monuments in the front of the park and that is where I saw one more beautiful sign......Mile Marker 3!

Once again, I photographed a stranger by the mile marker, so as to not lose anymore time.

             There it was.....just maybe 500 yards or so away....the FINISH LINE!! It was so close I could taste it. People were cheering and making everyone feel like a winner. I began to tear up as I saw it in front of me.

The Finish Line just ahead in the distance.....

                         I managed to hold the tears back for the most part and just raised my arms up in the air in absolute triumph. I had reached the finish line of a race I wasn't convinced that morning that I could complete....and I had done it in a time that I was very, very proud of......

Crossing the Finish Line at the Royal Family 5k!

                                       ONE HOUR ELEVEN MINUTES AND 51 SECONDS!!!

With my medal at the end of the race!

                  The best part of this day was finding belief in myself and knowing that if I want to persevere, I can. Weight is just an excuse. I can do anything through God who strengthens me! And I learned that not everyone in the world judges you for being a big girl and that many of them will give you all the love and support you could every imagine.
               I am proud of my accomplishment and feel that my time was phenominal for the condition that my body is in and if I gained nothing else.....I gained a wonderful time with my friend and a new respect for myself!

Jess and I before the Race!

My prize for my hard work and accomplishment!

                                         

                                  

The Fast and the Furiously Frightened!

     Well, the time has come. I can hardly believe it is already here. Tomorrow morning I will be in line at the Fit for a Princess Expo picking up my race packet and getting ready to hit the course Saturday morning.
     I am truly beyond excited and yet scared as a churchmouse. I have been training for this race for the past couple of weeks and I was successful in accomplishing nearly 2 miles in about 35 min just one week ago tomorrow. I wish I could say that I have had a great deal of opportunity to train this week, but I would be lying. Between homework assignments and exams this week in school and the simple fact that the weather hasn't been very cooperative, I have not gotten a single walk in this week.
         I have quickly come to find what a positive and encouraging community of women are involved in this group though. Just one simple post on Facebook on the RunDisney site regarding my nervousness/excitement toward this weekends race has gotten me loads of encouraging comments.
       Not to mention all of the people that I have come to find within the circle of people that I am acquainted with that are either participating and are so proud of me or those that are not participating themselves but have given me such wonderful encouragement that I will never forget it.  It is all of you! My friends, family, and even strangers who have convinced me to have faith in myself. It is all of you, whom I will be thinking about as I reaching mile marker after mile marker.
      I greatly look forward to sharing with you photos and stories of my experiences this weekend because without you, who knows if I would have had the faith to pull this off.

       All my love and appreciation,......
           The Running (ok....walking) princess.

Bad Dreams and Self-Esteem

           Have you ever had one of those dreams where you woke up and felt like your entire world had been shaken? Like the pain was so real you almost couldn't distinguish the dream from reality?

              That was me in the wee hours of Sunday morning. My husband of almost 11-years and I have almost always had a good relationship. Like any couple, we have had our ups and downs, but for the most part it has been a secure, happy life. But then came the arrival of these dreams....recurring and devastating.
              Please, don't misunderstand me. The dreams have not affected the relationship that I have with my husband in any way other than my lack of self-esteem and ability to trust. In the dream....my husband first denies that he is having an affair and then after great persistance from me, coldly and cruelly tells me that he is, in fact, in love with someone else and that he is leaving me.
              Anyone who knows my husband, knows that the likelihood of him ever doing something like that, let alone doing it with such malice and cruelty is beyond unlikely, but the recurrance of these dreams has left me with this fear that it is some kind of sign.
              I should also probably mention again that we are a one-car family and that ultimately, I know pretty much his every move. He is a good man....former clergy, in fact, so it really seems that this is unlikely to a serious degree and that the issue likely lies with me.

            
                                   Kevin and I on our wedding day!!
        

           Another reason for me to take joy in the 5k.....to help lose my butt!! I am confident that my dreams are stemming from a lack of confidence due to my weight. My husband married me as a plus size princess and has always loved me and found me beautiful, regardless, so it must be my self-image speaking to me in a rather loud tone of voice.
         I am working hard to fix my body and my own self-image. I used to be so secure and confident in the early years of our marriage and for one reason or another that has been drifting away year by year. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue this week to prepare for the 5k which will be this coming Saturday. Lots of photos to come.....God Bless!!