Bad Dreams and Self-Esteem

           Have you ever had one of those dreams where you woke up and felt like your entire world had been shaken? Like the pain was so real you almost couldn't distinguish the dream from reality?

              That was me in the wee hours of Sunday morning. My husband of almost 11-years and I have almost always had a good relationship. Like any couple, we have had our ups and downs, but for the most part it has been a secure, happy life. But then came the arrival of these dreams....recurring and devastating.
              Please, don't misunderstand me. The dreams have not affected the relationship that I have with my husband in any way other than my lack of self-esteem and ability to trust. In the dream....my husband first denies that he is having an affair and then after great persistance from me, coldly and cruelly tells me that he is, in fact, in love with someone else and that he is leaving me.
              Anyone who knows my husband, knows that the likelihood of him ever doing something like that, let alone doing it with such malice and cruelty is beyond unlikely, but the recurrance of these dreams has left me with this fear that it is some kind of sign.
              I should also probably mention again that we are a one-car family and that ultimately, I know pretty much his every move. He is a good man....former clergy, in fact, so it really seems that this is unlikely to a serious degree and that the issue likely lies with me.

            
                                   Kevin and I on our wedding day!!
        

           Another reason for me to take joy in the 5k.....to help lose my butt!! I am confident that my dreams are stemming from a lack of confidence due to my weight. My husband married me as a plus size princess and has always loved me and found me beautiful, regardless, so it must be my self-image speaking to me in a rather loud tone of voice.
         I am working hard to fix my body and my own self-image. I used to be so secure and confident in the early years of our marriage and for one reason or another that has been drifting away year by year. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue this week to prepare for the 5k which will be this coming Saturday. Lots of photos to come.....God Bless!!